By Jonathan Alexandratos

I didn’t know Cold Slither was an actual band. I had seen the G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero episode where Zartan and the Dreadnoks perform as the metal band for nefarious purposes. I own the Super7 3.75-inch figure of Zartan in “lead singer” outfit (somewhere in the Twisted Sister ballpark). I had even seen The Cybertronic Spree, the Transformers band, in-concert a few years ago. So when I learned there was an in-the-flesh Joe version, a manifestation of a single plot thread of a distant episode – I had to go.

It did not disappoint.

The show itself was everything you’d expect from a Cobra-funded hair band: glitchy tech (not scripted, but not wholly out-of-place either), rocker theatrics (very welcome), and loud music. Really loud. (As expected!)

But under it all, there was something that cut deeper. The songs were great. “The Ballad of Buzzer” is an absolute banger in or out of Joe lore. This wasn’t parody. These guys took the assignment seriously.

And honestly, so did we. If you told me, as a kid, that some day my toys would come to life and sing to me, I’d say I was crazy. But there they were. And there WE were. A room full of bald spots (mine included!) feeling the magic of being a kid again. I chatted with some wonderful fans, and it was clear we were all locked in. It was the community that made the night.

As soon as the show ended, I rushed to the merch table and bought the CD. When I got home, I popped it in my CD player, underslung beneath my kitchen cabinets so I can listen, usually to The Rippingtons, while doing the dishes around 1am. The show, and the experience, was so good, I was actually exicted to do the dishes so I could hear the music again. If that doesn’t recommend it, I don’t know what else to tell you.

I hope we find more ways to do this: be unapologetic fans in the same room, committing to the same bit. It’s therapeutic. Even if it’s facilitated by Cobra.