It’s safe to say that Super 7 absolutely crushed it with their wave of Masters of the Universe Classics figures based off the decidedly non-classic 1987 Dolph Lundgren live action version of He-Man.
There’s a lot to be said about that cinematic attempt to cash in on the popularity of the Masters of the Universe property, and us kids of the 80’s have a lot to say about it, myself included. To boil it down, that dumpster fire of a movie was not a beautiful sight to behold to say the least. However, those aforementioned figures from our friends at Super 7 are a beautiful sight to behold and are available for purchase at BigBadToyStore right now.
Having watched some reviews of the figures after recently falling down a YouTube rabbit hole, I got to thinking about other figures that Super 7 could give to us toy collectors based on other failed film adaptations of beloved childhood franchises from the eighties and nineties. So today we’re checking out a few as part of a brand new wishticle.
While the films that these figures could be inspired by may not appear on your DVD shelf; if you still collect physical media, you can always swap it out for another toy shelf, drop those movies off at your local thrift store and add some additional eye candy to your life.
4) Masters of the Universe William Stout Collection Evil-Lyn
Speaking of eye candy. Circling back to our initial inspiration for this wishticle, and assuming those MOTU movie figures are a success, then there’s a likelihood that we would see a wave two.
Would MOTU fans and toy collectors be down to purchase a Blade or a Beastman? What about Teela and Man-at-Arms? Sounds good to me, but if there is a wave two then the figure I’d definitely be keeping an eye out for would be Evil-Lyn from the movie played by Meg Foster. I first became aware of Meg Foster and her hypnotic, piercing blue eyes when she appeared in They Live opposite Roddy Piper.
While the problems with the MOTU movie are plentiful, mainly that it tries to take itself seriously, all while He-Man and company kick it down to Earth, chow down on some chicken and get into an argument with Strickland from Back to the Future…what was I saying again?
Right, Meg Foster portrayed a stunning version of Evil-Lyn and much like how her performance alongside Frank Langella was one of the few bright spots in that trash heap of a film, a 7″ rendition of her Evil-Lyn next to Langella’s Skeletor would be a bright spot on toy shelves everywhere as well.
3) Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo’s Mario and Luigi
I reviewed the 1993 Super Mario Bros movie for Toy Wizards sister site PopLurker just over a year ago, and that’s an hour and a half of my life I’m never getting back.
As hard as it may be for me to believe, there are people out there who enjoyed that movie. I’ve yet to meet them, but they’re out there. It’s an experience I plan to never have to repeat, and Bob Hoskins felt the same way while filming. Sure, it’s far from the worst thing I’ve ever seen, but us kids back in the nineties had some lofty expectations.
For as disappointing of a film adaptation as it was though, some 7″ figures of Hoskins Mario and John Leguizamo’s Luigi wouldn’t be a disappointment. Niche maybe, but hardly disappointing, and Super 7 has never been afraid to hit the niche entries in their toy offerings. Package them with a Bob-omb and my money is all yours.
Hell, they could even hit us with a rendition of Dennis Hopper’s King Koopa, and I’d snap up all three figures faster than Yoshi can snap up a Koopa Troopa.
2) Christopher Lambert’s Raiden
The first and so far only time I saw the original Highlander I didn’t quite…get it…I guess?! Maybe I should take the time to watch it again. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it either, it was just sort of there for me.
The same can be said of the Mortal Kombat movie of the nineties. It was just sort of there, but it was a million times better than its sequel Annihilation a few years later. While I wasn’t feeling it with Christopher Lambert as Highlander, I could get on board with him as our resident thunder god Raiden.
Sure, it wasn’t a perfect representation of one of my favorite characters in the Mortal Kombat mythology, but it was fine for what it was and a Classics version from Super 7 in his full regalia with some alternate hands and lightning effects would be rad as hell. While the primary focus here is on Raiden, a Liu Kang and Shang Tsung thrown in for good measure would be the proverbial “finish him” for my wallet while I’m yelling “get over here!” as I’m adding these to my cart.
1) Raul Julia and Jan Claude Van Damme’s M. Bison and Guile
Man, what could have been for Street Fighter: The Movie. Leave it to the 90’s and film studios completely misunderstanding or not caring about the licenses they sunk all their money into. For as hot as he was in the 90’s, even JCVD couldn’t save the disappointing Street Fighter from being a complete flop.
Hasbro did take advantage and made some toys based on the movie/video game franchises characters, which makes perfect sense, it’s not hard to roll out an E. Honda or a Sagat and expect us toy collectors to snag them off the shelves.
But, for as decent as those toys may have been, a fully articulated and sculpted Van Damme inspired Guile and especially a Raul Julia M. Bison could be a sonic boom to our wallets and a flash kick to toy shelves everywhere. Raul Julia made that movie for his kids, so Super 7 do the man a solid and immortalize him forever…as Gomez Addams in all of his mamushka dancing, rapier wielding, Morticia wooing splendor.
But that’s another wishticle for another day. In the meantime, give me that M. Bison and Guile and make this toy collector a world warrior. Storm Collectibles, I’m happy to nudge this in your direction, too!