Watch Me Slowly Go Insane As I Show You All The New Funko Movie Product

This is, uh… some sort of sports thing, I guess? Yeah, I’m not gonna be talking about these.

It has been estimated that by the year 2030, every home in America will have at least three Funko Pops on display.

In their continuing effort to leave no pop culture property unlicensed, Funko unveiled their latest, upcoming avalanche of Pop Vinyl figures. Get yourself a beverage, order some delivery, tell the kids you love them and strap yourselves in… this is gonna take a while.

In this installment, let’s take a look at Pop! Movies with the film that created the summer blockbuster, Jaws.

“We’re gonna need a bigger Funko shelf.”

Yes, Brody is here, with a delightful chum bucket. If you ask me, not enough action figures include a bucket of chum. And speaking of chums, of good pals, we also get a Pop of Quint, that ISN’T gullet deep in an animatronic shark.

Y’know, the thing about a Funko Pop, he’s got lifeless eyes, like a *doll’s* eyes.”

And finally, we have Hooper, as portrayed by Richard Dreyfus, celebrated actor and one of the many Hollywood elite to recently be accused of predatory behavior.

I think that I am familiar with the fact that Hollywood ignored this particular problem until it swam up and was accused of exposing its ass.

Of course, no Jaws line would be complete without the shark. But like the movie, I thought I’d get three-fifths of the way through before revealing him.

“Don’t mind me. I’m just in town with a few days to kill.”

“Hey Bruce? You, uh… you’ve got a little something stuck in your teeth.”

Man, that Richard Dreyfus bit was a little rough, huh? Don’t worry we’re past it, and into the more tame world of children’s fare, where that sort of thing doesn’t go on. So let’s check out the products being offered from the ~~Louis C.K.~~ Patton Oswalt-led film, The Secret Life of Pets 2.

Before the recasting, this is hardly where Max needed to be wearing a cone.

Hey, it’s the bunny character that made you want to exit the theater, then burn it to the ground!

Next up is Hellboy, from the upcoming feature film reboot whose trailer left fans everywhere with one burning question… “What in the name of Guillermo Del Toro’s broken dreams is wrong with his face?”

I hope before he goes after the demons and monsters, he slays all the tired film tropes in his new trailer.

Speaking of unrelenting horror, next up on the list is Pet Sematary. Thirty years after the release of the horror film, you can bring home an undead Gage Creed and the undead Church. The Pop! & Buddy duo might terrify most people, but honestly… Gage just wants to play with yeeeeeeeew.

Honestly, the thing about this movie that still haunts me to this day is Denise Crosby saying “shilly-shally.”

If I’d have seen that creepy kid coming at me, I’d have punted him like a damn football. Or at least blasted him with a proton pack. If I had a proton pack, that is. Oh, you know who does? These guys:

Who ya gonna call? I know who’s NOT getting any calls: Paul Feig.

Yes, the Ghostbusters are here in Funko Pop form, ready to put your Booberry Pop into their Ecto-Containment Unit. But if you don’t have a Booberry Pop, Funko has you covered with some ghosts for the boys to bust:

This character had more comedic lines than anyone in the reboot. Don’t @ me.

I don’t even have any snark for this one. This is just adorable.

Now you might be saying, “Well this is great and all, but it’s not nearly enough Ghostbusters to satisfy the empty chasm where my soul should be.” Well don’t you worry yourself there, Funko’s not done fleecing you for every last penny and filling your home with Pops that you’ll eventually use to build a shelter during the coming apocalypse.

I haven’t been this excited for a toy I didn’t know I needed since Star Wars released “AT-AT Crushed Dak.”

Still not enough for you? Well, how about some blind-boxed Mystery Minis?

The only mystery here is where Venkman got those hair plugs.

Wait, you still want more? Well, Funko’s going to give you more, you greedy little monster. Funko’s got more than you can handle, and you’re going to take it, piggy… you’re going to take it all! Squeal, piggy, SQUEAL!!!

Yes, it’s truly a good time to be a Ghostbusters fan, at least, a fan of classic Ghostbusters. But don’t worry, if you were a fan of the 2016 reboot, Funko hasn’t forgotten you. In fact, here’s a picture of the prototypes revealed for upcoming product based on Paul Feig’s Ghostbusters: Answer the Call.

Hahaha, just kidding. The Ghostbusters with the gorilla on the team will get merch before anyone licenses the 2016 trainwreck again.

With Funko devoting so much to the Ghostbusters franchise, you’d think they wouldn’t have the resources to pick up smaller, more obscure licenses. Well, YOU’D BE WRONG. 2019 will see Funko Pops based on licenses like Super Troopers:

How much maple syrup do you think you have to drink to put yourself in a diabetic coma and forget Ghostbusters: Answer the Call?

Beverly Hills Cop:

What, no Judge Reinhold Pop? I guess we have to wait for Funko to get the “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” license. REALLY curious how they’re going to handle the Phoebe Cates Pop.

Men in Black:

Even back then, it was clear that Will Smith was destined to ruin the Genie forever.

Caddyshack:

Forrest Gump? Really?

The last box of chocolates I got had a diagram, so I DID know what I was going to get. So much for your big profound thesis, braniac.

rI can’t with this. I just can’t anymore. Ghostbusters, I get. Even Caddyshack. But who was chomping at the bit for a Forrest Gump Pop?

C’mon, Sparrow. You can do this. Finish strong.

All right, in fairness, I get making Pretty Woman Pops. A lot of people loved that movie. And although most hookers are probably less “heart of gold” than they are world-weary , I’m definitely feeling the weight of the world after wading through all these new Funko Pops. And this is ONLY THE MOVIE RELATED RELEASES. There are six more emails full of images, and I’m not sure there’s enough alcohol left in the house to get me through another one.

I blame you, Scott. This is your doing.

All right… last one. What’ve we got?

Alien! Now that’s finishing strong.

Excited about these? Think that they’re the worst thing ever? Leave a comment down below, ESPECIALLY if you want to tell me how Ghostbusters 2016 was a masterpiece. I’ll be sure to read it… you won’t be wasting your time AT ALL.

Follow Toy Wizards on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram!