Have you ever seen a collectible that made you double over in hysterics upon sight?

That is what happened to me when I saw the face on the upcoming PCS Collectibles G.I. Joe Baroness statue.

It’s not new-news that these G.I. Joe budget line statues from PCS Collectibles were on the way. PCS Collectibles has been striking deals with Hasbro to turn many of its properties (Power Rangers, Transformers, etc.) into these (typically) really nice $50 statues. I have all of the released Power Rangers ones so far and I really like them– they’re affordable, lightweight, and have strikingly beautiful paint. The Destro statue in this line and the Serpentor don’t affect my sensibilities. But Baroness…yeah…woof.

How did this get approved? Starting with her skin color, it’s far too yellow. It stands out garishly against Baroness’ black suit like she’s radio active or something. Also, her pose is offensively unnatural. I get a little sway in the hips, some hot boobs poking forward, but what the hell is this? It looks like she started scoping IG cosplay accounts for “How do I sexy?” and said “This will do” after the first compliment she received. Did she get hit in the lower back with a baseball bat?

Aside from that– her expression dude. She’s giving this dopey blank eyed stare at nothing with a crooked, goofy, lopsided smile saved for teenage boys who are about to get their first blowje. The vague, slight bit of teeth poking out reminds me of a Dreamworks character, like something from the Trolls universe. That’s the thing about Dreamworks characters– they’re always very toothy.

I just couldn’t own this statue. One, it’s an insult toward the strong, ruthless, dangerous majesty that is The Baroness. COBRAAAAA! Second, there is no way I could own this piece, walk past it, and not just make that dumb face back at her daily. I would be struck in a non productive loop of terror where all I did was make this retched face at Baroness. My business would fall apart, my children would hate me, and all of my hobbies would crumble in the fire. It would be me versus Baroness in a never ending standoff of repulsive derp faced prowess. There would be no end and no victor crowned. Life as we know it would end.

If you want to order… this… you can check out Baroness, Destro, and Serpentor on BigBadToyStore. They each cost $49.99 and ship Spring 2021. I’m not your keeper, do what you want ’cause a pirate is free.

Product Description

PCS Collectibles brings you the enemies of the Real American Heroes as gorgeous 1/8 scale collectible statues! Grab Baroness, Destro, and Serpentor, each with their own Cobra Command-shaped base to stand upon.

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